For this is a journey of unknowables...

almost...

2008-07-17T10:51:00.004+02:00

wow...i was surprised that someone is still actually trying to read my blog...thank you Kurt...you have always been a faithful reader... lol

So, just to let you i'm not married yet..but i will be in less than a month - august 15th :) it will be a 2 part marriage: August 1st will be the "civil marriage" - we will be married before the state of Portugal, even though it does not really count for us...we will have a "church marriage" (in a garden, not church building) on August 15th...and then we will actually be married :) after that a week off in Tunisia (northern Africa) for our honey moon.

In the meanwhile we have been cleaning, painting and getting our house ready.... we rented a small house with 2 rooms but it needed some work... we are actually having fun while working there :) i'll try to post some pictures ...

I really can't wait for August to come... i'm going to have some special guests at my wedding - 3 shelter friends (Cecilia, Niels and Laurissa) and i can't wait to see them...anyone interested in joining them? ;)

tradition can be fun...

2008-02-14T22:47:00.002+01:00

So today is valentine's day! i always thought it was cheesy... i still do!

Flowers, chocolate, going out for dinner & a movie... sounds familiar, right?

Well...i did not get all of it since i had to work in the evening, but i still got most of it...and i did enjoy it...and it still sounds cheesy...

But who cares?! ;)

2008 challenges

2008-01-23T21:41:00.000+01:00

I've learned to like being challenged! It is not always fun, but always needed... I've learned that from my good friend Cecilia, and have been experiencing it over the past few years!!

Being in Amsterdam, returning to Portugal, deciding not to leave again, and having a boyfriend...i had to grow!!!

This year will also bring new challenges! I'm looking for a new job, i'll be moving to a new house outside of Lisbon (eventually)...and I am getting married in August!!! I used to get scared at plans like these... not anymore!!!

So, to all of you still reading this blog (if anyone)... have a great Year. May God bless you!

And allow yourself to be challenged...you never know what might happen ;)

Remembering...

2007-08-17T12:26:00.000+02:00

A year ago this time i was either at the airport or making my way there with Cecilia and Maarten.
It was a sad day...leaving Amsterdam and what had been my world for over 14 months! My bags had more than clothes and a few souvenirs...they had memories, a lot of good memories...

Yesterday evening the meditation i read was on Philipians 1: 1-11 and once more i was remembered of the Bible verse i read a few times before returning to Portugal:
being confident of this, thet He who begun a good work in you will carry it on to completion of Christ Jesus.

And the meditation was on how we cannot forget the good memories and friends God allows us to make because they are so important when sad moments come...

I guess like Paul i can say, whenever i think of my time in Amsterdam:

I thank God every time i remember you...

Lisboa

2007-07-18T19:47:00.000+02:00

I decided to be tourist for a few hours and visit Lisboa. I went up to the castle by tram...tram 28 is the best way to go to the castle because it goes through the old parts of the city where the streets are really narrow - we can actually touch the house walls at times...Fun, fun!!!

no way!!

2007-07-15T21:00:00.000+02:00

Ever you ever seen anyone you know on tv? Not someone famous, but just someone...a friend! I have, a few times...but this last time was completely unexpected...because it is a friend that lives in another country, another continent across the ocean!

I was watching a tv program that makes people new houses...and at the end, the very few seconds i see someone that looks just like her... and it was!!!!! Awsome!!!

2007-07-09T13:53:00.000+02:00

Another day at the....shelter??!!!??

I was on my dinner break yesterday at the hotel and my coleague calls me to inform me that there was something going on at reception. Since i had finished eating i decided to go and take a look at what was happening!

When i got there a sketchy man and woman were near the phone and in 5 seconds they started yelling at each other and fighting! She kicked him and then he hit her really hard and ended up in the floor fighting! By then i had called 112 (same as 911) again and since it took a while for the police to get there other hotel staff (restaurant, kitchen) were trying to stop the man from hiting the woman...what a situation! when the police finaly got there they took them both away!

And i thought no weird stuff like this happens at a 4 star hotel...i guess it does!!!

"tangled mass of cords"

2007-06-19T13:04:00.000+02:00

I just stole the tittle from a post i read from Melana's blog a few months ago! Sometimes expressions just stay in my mind for no reason!

But i like that one...maybe because it explains the way i feel sometimes! Like all the "cords" are entangled and i have no idea on how to straighten them...And maybe things on the outside are just fine and on the inside too...except in that one corner!!!! the one i had to deal with now...before all the "cords" were in the right place!!!

but maybe, maybe, that's the only way they can get into place...

Overwhelmed...

2007-05-30T22:28:00.000+02:00

Now to Him who is able to do immesurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen!

Ephesians 3:20,21

I guess this might be an often quoted verse whenever awsome things happen in one's life! But what else can we say...we do have an awsome God that works in ways we can rarely understand! And the way He makes things happen are still a mystery to me! No wonder another one of my favourite verses is

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!

Romans 11:33

Some of you reading this blog know that last year i was trying my best not to stay longer in Portugal after my time at the Shelter! I really did not want to come here and find a job! I was not looking forward to a "normal" life, as i call it!! Nor was i interested in having a boyfriend...settle down! I wanted to be free to do whatever, go wherever!

The funny thing is that over the past months this is what has been happening to me - what i did not want to happen and had prayed not to happen! But guess what...I feel so overwhelmingly (does the word even exist??) blessed these days to see how God has been spoiling me with small, everyday things! And i can only thank God for giving me what i prayed not to have!!

:-)

26.

2007-05-18T19:53:00.000+02:00

...and another year is gone!

If someone would have said to me last year that in a year time i would have a boyfriend and would be living and working in Lisbon, i wouldn't have believed!

God has a way of taking us by surprise! And isn't that awsome?! :)

Does God love you?

2007-05-09T21:37:00.000+02:00

I was just thinking about life when i read that question on a lady's t-shirt while walking in Lisbon downtown, trying to find some shoes that would match my uniform and taking some time off!

This has been a crazy week - moved to Lisbon, started a new job (some of you remember those firts days at the shelter! But this is a 4 star Hotel and Backpack is just a toy compared to BIRD! :) ), I am trying tro find a room, need to rest, my alergies are bothering me, my throat hurts, and i will be working 7 days till i get 2 off!!! (i'm not complaining, though...keep reading!!)

Does God love me? Oh yes, He does!! :)

And i feel blessed, so blessed right now! I have a job, a place to stay in the meanwhile, people at work willing to help and encourage...and i'm living a lot closer to my boyfriend (ok, i'm finally mentioning him on my blog :) ) ...

It's funny how it all depends on our attitude towards circumstances...i'm so tired yet smiling is quite easy...Praise God!!

PS: To Kurt, since you seem to be my most faithful reader... - I'm sure i'll be able to use all the good things you taught me about reception work ;)
Never read Jose Saramago... I wonder how it would translate into English! I heard he rarely uses punctuation...oh well...let me know what you think of it when you finish!

Moving...

2007-05-07T23:43:00.000+02:00

So i got the job!! The one mentioned on the previous post!
I'll start tomorrow working at a 4 star Hotel in Lisbon as a receptionist!!! Yay!

Now i need to find a room and move again....i'm staying with family at the moment!!

So this is my life...and there is a line from a song in my heart ...walk in fields of grace!!!! God has been soooo good!

in the middle of...somewhere

2007-04-30T21:00:00.000+02:00

So i left my little village of 75 people yesterday to come to Lisbon! And that feels quite good because some days i do feel like i live in the middle of nowhere!!

I was on the metro today, on my way to an enterview at a fancy four star hotel (ok, so i really liked reception work...i might end up doing it again!!), and behind me was a man speaking Italian to the little boy he was travelling with and trying to teach him how to say the name of the next metro stop in Portuguese! The first thing that came to mind was Oh, the sweet sound of a foreign language! Can't get those in Vale da Mó!!!

PS: Kurt, you're right! I should't worry to much ;)

Thin line

2007-04-25T13:35:00.000+02:00

I find it hard sometimes to know if i'm doing enough or not...
We must wait on God and for His timing, but we still need to do our part. But how do we know when we should stop and just wait?! How do we know that what we have been doing so far is enough and it is up to God from now on?!
I guess we can go wrong both ways...either be too lazy and say we are waiting on God, or do too much because we feel we have to accomplish things on our own, and end up leaving God out of our lives!

Any thoughts??

being a...girl!

2007-03-20T13:13:00.001+01:00

Ok, so guys may never understand this...

I went and bought shoes today...they have flowers on them! And they match my pink skirt!! And i actually like them!!!

Wow...and they say people don't change!!

fear is ok...

2007-03-15T15:18:00.000+01:00

Do you ever read the same book twice? I do that often! This week i decided to pick up If you want to walk on water, you have got to get out of the boat by John Ortberg. It´s a great book about faith and risk! It's funny how some words just come at the right time - specially when we forget things we have learned or experienced, or when old fears decide to resurface!

Fear can be a tough thing to deal with if it makes us freeze, do nothing! But if we decide to risk we may end up a step closer to overcoming whatever causes us fear!

The choice to follow Jesus, the choice to grow,

is the choice for the constante recurrence of fear.

The fear will never go away,

because each time i want to grow

it will involve going into new territory,

taking on new challenges.

Both choices - risk and comfort - tend to grow into a habit.

Each time you get out of the boat,

you become a little more likely to get out the next time.

It's not that the fear goes away,

but that you get used to living with fear.

John Ortberg

Foundation on rock

2007-02-11T22:17:00.000+01:00

...When the flood came,

the torrent struck that house

but could not shake it,

because it was well built.

Luke 6:48

Today at church we read Luke 6:46-49 and among other things we were told to build hour house on a steady rock - Jesus - and on nothing else! The preacher also said that it does not mean that when the strorm comes, when things get hard, we do not hurt or suffer! We may end up with a damaged roof or some broken windows, but our house is not shaken!

Life wasted...

2007-02-11T16:31:00.000+01:00

My life seems quite meaningless these days...take this week as an example:

*spent about 10 hours traveling back and forth...not because of something i had to do but to go with someone somewhere...
*had to wait a lot for other people (seems like it always happens!!): 1 hour here, 30 minutes, a few more later...
*i can no longer sleep only 7 or 8 hours...i feels like i need at least 10!!!
*there were a few things i should be doing (not very urgent) but i cannot gather enough energy to make them...
*i spent hours on my own reading and/or daydreaming or thinking about random stuff...

And i really need and want a job...and a place of my own!!! There are a lot of advantages in living with the parents, but somedays it gets a bit too much!!!!

again and again

2007-02-02T16:38:00.000+01:00

This is how we know we are in Him: Whoever claims to be in Him must walk as Jesus did.

I John 2:5b,6

I've been reminded these days that following God envolves a day to day decision! You cannot decide today for the rest of your life! And it is usually in small things that the decision seems harder to take...when you're tired, sick, sad! Those are the moments i feel like i want to give up trying, i want to give in and enjoy a nice self-pity party...Those are the times when i wake up in a bad mood and want to dwell in it instead of fighting it!

Those are also the times when God reminds me, once again, that Jesus came for us, for me!, to have life - and have it to the full. Those are the times when i feel God taking my hand, helping me to stand , to chose to live and to follow Him again! The times when i'm reminded once again of God's love and care.

open cage

2007-01-23T18:40:00.000+01:00

Maybe it is because one tries too hard, maybe because one does not try hard enough....but there are times when one's brain refuses to work!
That happened to me this weekend! There were moments (some longer than others) when I couldn't think, and those few thoughts i had seemed stuck and i could not put them into words! It was frustrating, sad...even scary!

But last night the cage was finally open and the wild beasts of thought were free, once again, to run around until i finally fell asleep...exhausted!

10:45 pm, Lisbon

2007-01-22T23:00:00.000+01:00

I've been to train stations quite often these past few months!!! Hello's are great, goodbye's are becoming harder. I guess it is all a matter of getting used to it - you cannot have one without the other. To arrive somewhere you have to leave...and if you leave a place it means you've just been there! Quite obvious, i know....i'm just writing it to be reminded of it myself!!

This last friday i took the train to Lisbon and had to wait a bit at the station! It was an odd feeling to be in a city, alone, at night! It reminded me of Amsterdam - the lights, people walking around, waiting for someone... sketchy people...I was a bit uneasy, i have to say! I'm not used to it anymore (I'm ok with that, though!). It was great, after having to wait outside for about 10 minutes, to see a familiar face and leave...

Leiria

2007-01-13T16:19:00.000+01:00

I finally made it to Leiria this week - the city where i went to university!

It was cool to see familiar faces and places! It is funny how after almost 2 years since my last visit everything still looks familiar and people did not change that much! Well, why should they have changed, anyway?

But there were some news...Since my last visit two of my friends had babies...it is so weird to see them as moms...after all, just 3 years ago we were going to college together! But once again...why should things remain the same? It is really cool, though, to see them grow in new ways!

And i got to see the city castle by night again....it is awsome!!!

Oh well, enough time off....next week the search for a job will start...let's see how it goes!!!

against all odds

2007-01-03T20:26:00.000+01:00

I was away for a few days to be in Lisbon for the New Year and when i got home yesterday my mom told me quite a funny story! (please remember that i live in a little village with 75 people!!)

A girl asked around in my village if they knew of someone who had been in The Netherlands over the past year working at a hotel, or hostel, or something like that! She was told were i lived and she went to talk to my mom since i was not there...She said that the catholic priest of a town nearby informed her that another girl was getting married in the same day as she was - May 19 - and that she lived in Vale da Mo (my village) and had been in the Netherlands and was marrying a dutch guy. My mom was like "well, i'm sorry, but my daughter is not getting married..."
"maybe she is, but she did not tell you...You know, since we are getting married the same day we could pay for the flowers for the church together!!!" the girl said
"No, you have the wrong person...she is not getting married..." my mom assured her!!

So it turns out that there was another girl, currently living in my village, that worked in Amsterdam over the past year and is in fact getting married to a dutch guy...it just isn't me...

2006-12-29T21:04:00.000+01:00

Even though the connection at home is really slow and does not work well often (right, Cecilia?) i have to admit that these past few months would have been really hard without internet! It has been the only way to keep in touch with friends and to avoid being too bored!

Today was one of those days...even if only for a few minutes i could talk to an old Shelter cleaner from Spain - Ivan...and he sent me a picture with him and Samira. And a promise to still go for coffee one of these days, maybe here in Portugal...cool!

the kite and it's string

2006-12-27T20:37:00.000+01:00

Once on a time a paper kite
Was mounted to a wondrous height,
Where, giddy with its elevation,
It thus expressed self-admiration:

"See how yon crowds of gazing people
Admire my flight above the steeple;
How would they wonder if they knew
All that a kite like me can do!

Were I but free, I'd take a flight,
And pierce the clouds beyond their sight,
But, ah! like a poor pris'ner bound,
My string confines me near the ground;

I'd brave the eagle's towering wing,
Might I but fly without a string."
It tugged and pull, while thus it spoke,
To break the string--at last it broke.

Deprived at once of all its stay,
In vain it tried to soar away;
Unable its own weight to bear,
It fluttered downward through the air;

Unable its own course to guide,
The winds soon plunged it in the tide.
Ah! foolish kite, thou hadst no wing,
How could'st thou fly without a string!

[...and then I smile]

blaah

2006-12-19T18:27:00.000+01:00

just because...

* after spending Christmas at the Shelter last year i don't really feel like having all these traditions!

* sometimes i wish i did not have to make tough choices!

* it does not work out to start the year in The Netherlands with some of my favourite people!

* i wish the world was smaller!

* sometimes we seem to be affraid of taking what we sort of wanted for a long time!

* we cannot be in two places at the same time!!!!

But yeah!!! even though some things don't work as i wanted... life is still good :)

Four months already?!

2006-12-07T13:08:00.000+01:00

I've been in Portugal for almost 4 months now and finished work at the Shelter for over 5 months!
When i got on that plane on August 17 i had no idea that i would be writing these things today!
Life is full of surprises...No, God is full of surprises!!

Since i came back i had to deal with re-entry at the same time so many other things were happening (ok, so re-entry sounds like a disease or something, and each person will probably experience it in different ways, but it is actually something that takes energy - going back to where you were when you no longer are who you used to be!!) .
Being ok with being at home, even though i would rather be somewhere else!
The death of a cousin and all the family issues that come with that!
Twisting my ankle and feeling trapped at home with not much to do and no people around.
Realising that i had changed but wondering where the opportunities to actually experince change were.
Thinking i had my next few years figured out!
Tough decisions - going or staying, stop running aroung or be quiet for some time, giving up a "spiritual" excuse to hide or give people and places a chance?

It hasn't been that easy, but when i look back i realise it hasn't been that hard either! And i like this place where i'm at now. New and very different challenges ahead. Peace and joy!

I wonder how people can go through life without God!!!

to bring YOU praise...

2006-11-29T19:56:00.000+01:00

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains

And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

~Hillsong United~

things unfair...

2006-11-27T13:27:00.000+01:00

If knowing answers to life is absolutely necessary to you, then forget the journey. You will never make it, for this is a journey of unknowables - of unanswered questions, enigmas, incomprehensibles, and most of all, things unfair.

Mme. Guyon

Plans are an interesting thing! We tend to trust them, to live by them, but in the end, they are just plans, they haven't happened yet! And they get challenged, we get challenged to change them, give them up...and plan something else!!!

I heard someone saying this weekend that we try to be independant from others, specially those who seem to always know what we have to do and make sure they tell us, like our parents, but there are moments we wish we had such people in our lives, to make some decisions for us, when we do not know what to choose!!
But there comes a time when we do have to make our own decisions, trying to listen to God...and some of those do not seem fair, they make us loose something, no matter what we choose, and leave us wondering if it was the right choice or not...maybe we will never know, and maybe that's not what is important!!!

...maybe the most important is that i know that i do not need to be affraid, for God is with me.

feeling small

2006-11-17T18:54:00.000+01:00

When i consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?

Psalm 8:3-4

Answered prayers always amaze me...the fact that God is actually listening, cares and says yes, but also because it is always different from what i've imagined...

an invitation/challenge...
an encouragement from strangers...
a hello...

Dirty or not?!

2006-11-11T23:59:00.000+01:00

I was hanging out with my niece this evening and just before i left i told her i wanted a kiss. Since she was eating chocolate at the moment i told her i would wait for her to finish, so she could wash her face and give me a "clean kiss"...

While she was in the bathroom washing i heard her ask my sister in law "if i was would have been eating white chocolate...would the kiss be clean?!"

Gotta love kids!

Desert Fathers

2006-11-09T18:36:00.000+01:00

*The Desert Fathers [a group of Christians who went into de desert to run away from the influences of the society] renounced material posessions to lear to let go. Letting go frees us from being controled by others.

*The Desert Fathers renounced speech in order to learn compassion.
Silence frees us from the need to control others. One reason we can hardly bear to remain silent is that it makes us feel so helpless. We are accustomed to relying upon words to manage and control others. A frantic stream of words flows from us in an attempt to straighten others out. We want so desperately for them to agree with us, to see things our way. We evaluate people, judge people, condemn people. We devour people with our words. Silence is one of the deepest Disciplines of the Spirit simply because it puts the stopper to that.
When we become quiet enough to let go of people, we learn compassion for them. We can be with people in their hurt and need. We can speak a word out of our inner silence that will set them free.

*The Desert Fathers renounced activity to learn how to pray. Prayer frees us so that we can be controlled by God. To pray is to change.

Freedom of Simplicity, Richard Foster

Random stuff...

2006-11-06T19:21:00.000+01:00

*my foot is still swollen! Maybe i should have gone to the hospital - but i'll scream at the next person that tells me that...

*i guess one of the hardest things to adapt to after Amsterdam has been going to church!!

*i've been correcting a 100 page text, in english, on grapes and wine!!! It has probably been the worst thing i ever read!!!

*i get annoyed easily these days...specially at my family!! I try not to show it much...not sure if i'm doing it well, though!!

*i've talked today to an old Shelter cleaner from Spain - Ivan. Qué bien!!

*the other day someone told me i might have been scretly in love with him...nop!!! (huge LOL on this one!!)

*i've been dreaming about storms at see, big waves against ships...and i am never really afraid! I wonder what it means?! Or if it means something at all!!

*i think i should change the name of my blog!! I have to stop thinking of me as in between...i am here, now!

The best or the worst

2006-10-24T15:58:00.001+02:00

It could go either way
So I've been praying making sure for no mistakes
It's hard but I'm listening

I wanna walk until we can't see home anymore
Suddenly somewhere lost in the world
My only fear's that you don't care
So I act like I don't fight every night
And this will be the best or the worst thing that I ever knew

And I'm stretchin out
You got me now
It's coming down in or out
Before long we'll say it out loud

And if only it was the same
What you did and what you say
I can take it either way
If only I knew what to think

If we just kinda lye here quiet and wait
And we wait
But I've never known the line between playing your cards right and fate
So this will be the best or the worst thing that I ever knew

And I'm stretchin out
You got me now
It's coming down in or out
Before long we'll say it out loud
And it's stretchin out
It's getting loud

Yeah I see it all
We'll rise and never fall
Just believe and keep breathing beautiful

And I will save it
Yes I will save it
Yes I will save it

And we'll never fall

~Benjamin Winter~

United & twisted ankle

2006-10-23T14:32:00.000+02:00

I had a great yet very draining weekend!!

Hillsongs United were in Portugal this weekend for a conference/concert. It was awsome to praise God along with them and to hear them talk about what they do...It was even cooler to see how humble they are even though they are well known all over the world (or at least our part of the world!!).

Last evening of the event, though, i twisted my ankle...i wish i could have enjoyed the concert more - the church that organized the event was recording a CD and United also sang a few songs. Instead i had to sit in the back with ice on my foot!!

After the concert the fun begun...I had to jump around, try to go up some stairs, get into a car, take a shower...without setting my foot on the floor!!! yeah!!

Yesterday evening, after getting up kind of early, getting lost in Lisbon, walking around with a twisted ankle and sitting in a car for almost 3 hours i still had to talk at church about my time at the Shelter...I still say we, us, our... It was cool, though, to finally be able to talk about at my church, even though people did not really ask anything when given the opportunity...expected, i guess!!

I slept about 12 hours last night...i feel like another 12!!

Oh well...

Between

2006-10-11T14:21:00.000+02:00

I've mentioned this before...i don't feel comfortable with not being there yet!

But this is where i am right now and where i'll be for a while! Or maybe it isn't!! Maybe i'm just using the i'm leaving in about 10 months speech as an excuse for things! An excuse to not get involved, to not give and receive! An excuse to say no to projects and people. To keep my distance!

But the truth is if i'm leaving how much can i get involved? How many projects can i start knowing that i'll have to leave them in stand by for at least two years? How fair is that for the ones involved and for me?

Maybe i have something important to learn here...i've had other chances of learning it before, but this is a hard one for me to get!! I need to know how to enjoy the now, the where i'm at without looking back at how it used to be, or looking forward at what it will be.

2006-09-28T03:55:00.001+02:00

It is 2:45 am and I can't sleep even though i'm so tired that it is painful to keep my eyes open...

I decided to get up, though...I needed to eat something and quiet my mind...It has been hard to make it stop, these days. Decisions...projects, old and new...and the unexpected...

I open my inbox...an email from a Shelter friend reminds me how i miss being in Amsterdam... how i miss hanging out with some people. Those far, and those near...

Well, I guess I'll go and hang out with the NM....

the unexpected....

2006-09-16T23:18:00.000+02:00

a great week in Lisbon...

meeting with family and hanging out with small kids - and having such a cool time...

decisions...

facing fears...of water and water...and being thankful to God for being there and making me enjoy it so much...

meeting up with friends - new and old ones...

people changing...

being in tears because of a decision - and still knowing it is the right one...

a bike, just when i though i wanted to go for a ride...

stomping grapes - thanks, Nicole, for the idea....

painful silence - sometimes the worst reaction is the absence of one...

being at peace, even when there seems to be no reason for it...

You will go out in joy, and be led forth in peace.

Isaiah 55:12

Lisbon...

2006-09-11T19:51:00.000+02:00

So, almost 4 weeks after arriving i finally have a break from home...

Right now i'm visiting some family near Lisbon...As i was on a train it almost felt i was flying over the city...and i realised i really like it...i should take some pictures...

Today as i was leaving home my mom said something about me always having a backpack, always going from one place to the other...I like it so much...I felt more alive today on that train, "on my way", than i ever did the whole time i was at home!!!!

I'm looking forward for what will happen this week...there were a few things i thought i could do and decided to give God some ideas...as usuall, He is much more creative than i am and decided to add some extras....we'll see, we'll see...

Waiting...

2006-09-06T01:03:00.000+02:00

So I've been back in Portugal for less than 3 weeks and it feels like forever...
I guess it always does, when you not there anymore and not there yet!!!!
And when you feel lost in the worst of places...among faces you know, or should know, so well!!!

But something can show up again...hope!!! Not in a plan, though, but in the one that has been there, and will be there...

Waiting is our destiny as creatures who cannot by themselves bring about what they hope for.
We wait in the darkness for a flame we cannot light,
We wait in fear for a happy ending we cannot write.
We wait for a not yet that feels like a not ever.
Waiting is the hardest work of hope.

Lewis Smedes, quoted in If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat by John Ortberg

2006-08-22T23:49:00.000+02:00

...both choices –risk and comfort – tend to grow into a habit. Each time you get out of the boat, you become a little more likely to get out the next time. It’s not that your fear goes away, but you get used to living with fear. You realise that it does not have the power to destroy you.

in If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat, John Ortberg

Portugal

2006-08-19T00:01:00.000+02:00

Yep...
I'm back in Portugal...at least for some time...

Bad things:

absence of significant questions/conversations...

no hugs - Jonathan, Cecilia and Neils, where are you?...

leaving friends behind...some of them was really hard...and it is no fun looking back after going past the point of no return at the airport...

i forgot to bring stroopwafels - i guess my family will not mind if i go for a visit soon :)

Good things:
flying above the clouds - i love clouds...
my niece - she is the one i spent most time with...
eating fish...
knowing that this is where i'm supposed to be and that God is with me, no matter how much it hurts...

The space between

2006-08-16T17:18:00.000+02:00

I do not like in betweens

not being here anymore,

but not being there yet!!!!

Back in Amsterdam

2006-08-14T10:52:00.000+02:00

After two weeks of work, fun, relaxing (kind of) and learning and of about 6 hours drive I'm back in Amsterdam...

It feels different, though, because I'm here but not really here. This no longer feels like my place - but maybe that is a good thing because I'll be leaving in a few days - 17 of August I'll fly back to Portugal...

in the meanwhile I'll try to enjoy this last days...

TS Part III - God is in the House

2006-08-08T09:49:00.000+02:00

Yes, i believe that most of us here can really say that God has been in this place!!!

It has been so cool to see all the teenagers excited about God, about knowing Him more...the main meetings have been quite a blessing as God shows us more and more how importante we are for Him and how much He loves us!!! Please pray for this place, for this time...

And if you want to see some pictures, videos or check the theme go to the website...

TS part II - The Conference

2006-08-06T14:40:00.000+02:00

ok...so the conference started yesterday...and there are a lot of people here!!!! almost 4 000!!!!

I guess i won't have much to do these days, though...i'll have to translate some, but i guess that will be it...and that is very good...after over a year in Amsterdam i really need a break...

And it is kind of funny how things come together...friday evening we had a special meeting for the service team + the people helping with set up and one of the things they said was that for the conference week God wanted us "to be" more than "to do"...and i guess in some way God really provided that for me:) even when miscommunication (sp?!) still happens within the team...

Besides that what i've been doing is sleeping, reading, going to the main meetings, speaking and hanging out with portuguese people (that is still a bit weird, though...), standing in line, trying not to be overwhelmed by the crowds...and smiling to stangers...what else can we do sometimes?!

But i'm glad i'm here, even though at time i wonder if i should...but i guess God really wanted me here and i can see that clearly sometimes...Parise be to HIM!!!!

At Teenstreet - Germany

2006-08-02T19:21:00.000+02:00

So....These few days here in Germany (i'm here for Teenstreet - a big OM conference for teenagers) have been quite interesting!!! After over a year of working at a reception desk a lot of hard work was not what my body was expecting!!!! But i have been enjoying it :)

the first day i got here, after 6 hours drive, i helped with fences...moving big metal things under the sun is not that easy...the nex day i helped building cubicles (sp?) in a big tent for couples and dividing walls...very hard work...those things were heavy!!! :)

Since monday i've been helping with the stage - mainly painting...that has been fun and i've met a few people by now, so that also helps...

the other day i was walking aroung and noticed that there were a lot of bikes and bike paths...i thought "just like amsterdam"...but than i noticed it is not flat at all :)

All in all i'm liking it here even though i really miss Amsterdam and the people...

Teenstreet website

Last...

2006-07-27T12:33:00.000+02:00

Last days
last shift
last goodbyes
last shelter e-mail
last check in...

oh well, time to go!!!

How amazing...

2006-07-24T01:20:00.000+02:00

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You Know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You Know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God You are amazing God

Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

Chris Tomlin

Who has gone up to heaven and come down?
Who has gathered up the wind in the hollow of his hands?
Who has wrapped up the waters in his cloak?
Who has established all the ends of the earth?
What is his name, and the name of his son?
Tell me if you know!

Proverbs 30:4

Yesterday, near Utrecht

2006-07-21T01:10:00.000+02:00

canoes, honeypots, movies and friends...

fears...of water and water...

loving, in a good way of course...
no misunderstandings, please...

being amused, very amused...
and happy about happiness...

thoughts of love, the good kind, though...

and being tired by the end of the day,

but thankful to God for His good and amazing gifts...

Proof

2006-07-16T21:10:00.000+02:00

Today was a great day...I went to church in the morning, hang out with Nynke and Ben afterwards....biked back to Amsterdam...went out for pizza with Nynke and then movie and ice cream....

We watched Proof...
the story line: A devoted daughter comes to terms with the death of her father, a brilliant mathematician whose genius was crippled by mental insanity-and is forced to face her own long-harbored fears and emotions. She adjusts to his death with the help of one of her father’s former mathematical students who searches through her father’s books in the hope of discovering a bit of his old brilliance. (quoted from some website)

It turns out that she is also quite brilliant and had some very impressive work of her own...so impressive that no one really believes that she was the one who did it....After a while, in one of my favourite scenes, she confronts the guy who was looking through her fathers journals...

Guy -I don't think your father wrote it.
Her - You thought so last week.
- That was last week. I spent this week reading the proof.
I think I understand it. [...] The books he would've needed are upstairs in your room, some of them. He dated everything. Even his most incoherent entries, he dated. There are no dates in this. The handwriting. Parents and children canhave similar handwriting, especially if they've spent a lot of time together.
-Interesting theory. I like it.
-I like it, too.
-It's what I told you last week.
-I know.
- You blew it.
-This is yours, Catherine.
-It's too bad, too, 'cause the rest of it was really good. "I loved your dad." "I always liked you.""I wanna spend every minute with you." That's killer stuff.
-I meant it.
-You got laid and you got the notebook. You're a genius.
-Talk to me, Catherine. This proof is yours.
- Forget it.
-You'll have to deal with it eventually. You can't just ignore it. You'll have to publish.
- Leave me alone, Hal.
- Take it at least.
- I don't want it.
-Come on. I am trying to correct things.
- You can't. Do you hear me? You think you've figured something out? You run over here all pleased with yourself because you changed your mind? Now you're certain? Hal, you don't know anything. The book, the math, the dates, the writing, all that stuff you just decided with your buddies, it's just evidence. It doesn't prove anything.
- OK, what would?
-Nothing. You should've trusted me.
-I... I know.

Vertigo

2006-07-13T03:15:00.000+02:00

I was just talking to a friend on the phone - Tonya - and was telling her about the song i posted yesterday. it is by one of my favourite singers/songwriters. I decided to give it a try in translating the song into english...please remeber that i'm not a native english speaker and that some of the pictures in the song do not make total sense to me in portuguese either....

Vertigo

Is there light drawn into darkness?
Is warmth the wispering of cold?
is there love in the reverse of life?
are there dreams in the depths of pain?
are the piers of silence, screams?
Is it courage, the trembling of fear?
Is there rain to wash away this blood
and let the earth calm down,
slowly...

Forget fear
Leave darkness
open the dams
let yourself scream
go deeper
chase the ocean
chase the ocean

is it loneliness the vertigo of the abyss?
Is it a gag the lightness of dust?
Is there darkness drawn into the light?
Is there remoteness inside ourselves?
I'm walking on an ice edge
In the vertigo of a fire trapeze
But sing for me in the storm
and let the earth calm down,
slowly...

Forget fear
Leave darkness
open the dams
let yourself scream
go deeper
chase the ocean
chase the ocean

Vertigem

2006-07-12T12:06:00.000+02:00

Haverá luz
Sugada no escuro?
Será calor
O murmúrio do frio?
Terá amor
O avesso da vida?
Haverá sonhos
No fundo da dor?
Serão gritos
Os cais do silêncio?
Será coragem
A tremura do medo?
Haverá chuva
Que lave este sangue
E deixe que a terra acalme
Devagar

Esquece o medo
Sai do escuro
Abre comportas
Deixa gritar
Vai mais fundo
Persegue o mar
Persegue o mar

Será só
A vertigem do abismo?
Será mordaça
A leveza do pó?
Haverá negro
Sugado na luz?
Haverá longe
Por dentro de nós?
Ando sobre
Uma aresta de gelo
Na vertigem
De um trapézio de fogo
Mas canta-me um pouco
Na tempestade
E deixa que a terra acalme
Devagar

Esquece o medo
Sai do escuro
Abre comportas
Deixa gritar
Vai mais fundo
Persegue o mar
Persegue o mar

Mafalda Veiga

The Plan

2006-07-10T11:16:00.000+02:00

Plans never seem to work out! But maybe that is why we do them - just in case nothing else comes up...

I was supposed to spend the weekend (a long weekend away from the Shelter) thinking through this past year in Amsterdam, writing down things i did not want to forget, important lessons...Yes, that was the plan. But i ended up not doing that at all! I spent the whole weekend (well, the time that was not spent with people) reading a book...It was worth it!!! More than i thought it would be...

The book i was reading was about changing...so is this song...

Find my heart at the bottom of the well I’m in
Find my heart
Lower your strong hand down and rescue me
Rescue me

It's just like you to bring light into darkness
It's just like you, Lord its just like you
It's just like you to bring light into darkness
It's just like you, Lord its just like you

See my soul in the place I fell into
See my soul
Lift my head from the shame I’ve bowed down to
Lift my head

It's just like you to bring beauty to ashes
It's just like you, Lord its just like you
It's just like you to bring beauty to ashes
It's just like you, Lord its just like you

And I’ve been trying my whole life to be good without the cross
But all that I have gained is this emptiness and loss

So speak to me in my hopeless lonely place
Speak to me
Raise me up when no hope seems to remain
Raise me up

It's just like you to bring life to these dry bones
It's just like you Lord its just like you
It's just like you to bring life to these dry bones
It's just like you Lord its just like you

The Dive

2006-07-01T16:44:00.000+02:00

Jonathan and I decided to go for a bike ride to the park today...when we got there it was quite warm and the water looked really inviting...We decided to get our feet in the water but after a few moments we realised that the feet were not enough...

All the parents and kids there must have thought we were crazy...well, maybe a bit - but i bet most of the grown-ups there felt like going in the water too...too bad for them!!!

After we got back home this adventure made me think of other things and the words of an old song from a different season came to mind...

...I’m wading in a puddle
when I could be swimming in the ocean...

Maybe it is time to dive into deeper waters...

More pics in my other blog

Today...

2006-06-25T19:21:00.000+02:00

I biked to church today...it was a long bike ride, but it was really cool...on the way back we biked through the forest...Beautiful!!!

I really like when i go to church and we end up talking and singing about what i've been thinking during the week...

Today I choose to follow you

Today I choose to give my 'yes' to you

Today I choose to hear your voice and live

Today I choose to follow you

An update

2006-06-15T01:12:00.000+02:00

So it's June...and it is supposed to be nice weather...and it was for a couple of days...well, too nice...30 and some degrees!!!! and today...raining...just got really wet on the way home...felt good, though!!!

And for those who do not believe that the weather in the Netherlands is weird...one night in the begining of the month we ran out, among other things, of blankets at the hostel...yes, it was that cold!!!

The past couple of weeks i've been kind of tired of working reception...so tired that i even requested caffee shifts...i guess that almost none of the staff here ever saw me doing a caffee shift before...the last one was last summer...time for a change and to be the one that is not really sure about what i'm doing...i guess i'll be more patient training people at reception after that...

In the end i guess it is all a matter of attitude...and mine towards work has not been the best...and being tired is only a consequece of it...
Yesterday someone reminded me that i will miss this place and reception work once i leave!!! It is true...and somehow being reminded of that helped...i had more fun today at reception and explaining the same thing for the umpteenth time (thanks Meghan, i had no idea how to say that in english!!!) was not even that bad :)

Fun things at reception also make it easier to work - a girl came up to me today and said:
I just saw a mouse in my room - i left my things and just ran...
-Hummm...I'll call soemone to take care of it, i said.

After five minutes our manager runs upstairs with a pan:
Lets try to catch it...

We didn't, but after making sure that he did not came back through the little hole in the wall some tape in it will probably keep it away... i hope!!!!

one year...

2006-05-26T13:14:00.000+02:00

Today is my one year anniversary at the Shelter....about this time exactly one year ago i was saying my goodbyes and getting ready to get into the plane and fly to Amsterdam...

It is amazing what God has done in me this past year, how much i have learned and changed, all the people i've met and the friends i made...

I wonder where i'll be this time next year...

older...

2006-05-24T15:55:00.000+02:00

So this is my firts post at the age of 25 :) Nothing changed, really... the 4 was replaced by a 5 ...and that's it!!!

A few people have asked me how my birthday was... well, it was like any normal day... i enjoeyd my last day as 24 a lot more, though, thanks to my small group that prepared a surprise, early, birthday breakfast! It was a lot of fun... i felt very welcomed to womanhood (whatever that means...)!!!! :)

The rest of the day was also fun with Joe wishing me a happy birthday everytime she saw me... After mid-night some staff sung happy birthday... and then i had to work... the firts hours of my birthday ended with a game of scrabble against Joshua - nedless to say that i lost...!!!

Almost over...

2006-05-13T18:59:00.000+02:00

So, my time off is almost over...tomorrow i'll go back to Amsterdam and then to work on monday...
It was great being here but i'm ready to go back :)

Some highlights:
*seing tulip fields...well, almost all were gone, but still...
*going to Urk...firts beach day...swim lessons in the Ejsselmeer...
*visiting the OM office - once again i met someone who knows my brother and some friends of mine from Portugal...small world!!!
*nice food - none of the Shelter eating habits!!!
*sitting out in the sun, doing nothing...
*sleeping till late and take naps!!!
*watching tv and movies on a week day!!! :)
*eating smoked fish...
*having a couple of things to think about, having time for it and realising that there is not much that i can do now except to pray and let it be...

Some pictures in my other blog

In Emmeloord

2006-05-09T22:45:00.000+02:00

After almost a year working at the Shelter i guess i really needed a week off!!! And i got one...
I traveled today from Amsterdam to Emmeloord (up north) to visit my roommate Pauline and i'll be here for a few days...

Tonight she had rehearsal and i biked with her there...well, i had a rough start since my feet almost did not reach the pedals - sometimes being not so tall is not so nice - specially if you are in the Netherlands :)
It was really cool to go to the rehaersal, though, and being aroung dutchies...they spoke dutch all the time, but i still enjoyed being there, listening, thinking...

Looking forward to the next couple of days...

Oh Amsterdam...

2006-05-05T14:29:00.000+02:00

Sometimes i really don't like the city...no, what i don't like is what this city does to people!!! It pulls them down, makes the worst come out...

The other day i had an afternoon reception shift and one guy came in as if he was a guest, showed a voucher (everyone gets one to get in the hostel) from someone else...too bad for him that i knew he was not staying with us...we got into a big argument about how he could not get into the hostel so he decided to threaten me, call me names...oh, well...a lot of fun...

Later on a couple came in looking for a room...we had none...even if we would have some...no!!!
It was sad because she had been here a couple of times before and i guess she was trying to get help from one of the organizations working in the red light district! It is really so sad...

A few minutes later a guy tried to come in to go to the toilet...we have a lot of drug addicts and homeless people trying to get in the hostel...we never allow them - we never know when or if they go out...

So yeah...this is a beautiful city and i really like being here...some days it just makes me a bit depressed!!!

PS: I guess it is also getting to some of our staff...

i have been threatened the past couple of days

and today i actually got hit...

what a shame... :)

An apology

2006-04-27T18:23:00.000+02:00

Apparently there was a misunderstanding about who took the picture in the entry below :)

So to the "quite handsome, strong" and that "has a great beard" guy that took the picture sorry for not giving you the credit and thanks for taking the picture...

Just in case you are wondering who...

blame Joshua for it ;)

Bikes & Water

2006-04-26T21:09:00.000+02:00

Bikes...
This week I said goodbye to my old, small, dear bike...
I got a new one though - a bigger one, white!!! The first day, and after not biking for about 2 months in Amsterdam, i fell...yes, the first time ever that i fell from a bike (at least a fall worth remembering!!!). Nothing serious, though...

But i was promised another bike as soon as another small one becomes available...i guess i'll take it!

Water...

Yesterday small group was quite different - instead of getting together for breakfast we went on a boat...We had some pirates on boad - it was probably the firts christian pirate boat in Amsterdam...

And for those who know about my slight aversion to water here goes a picture to prove it :)

More pictures in my other blog

Another list...

2006-04-23T16:48:00.000+02:00

For some reason it is easier to write lists as a blog entry!
This week's topic:

Last week

(ok, ok, not very original, but...effective)

*My first non reception shift in months...I was cook - yes, I cooked a Portuguese meal at the hostel for Martin's (one of the managers, no...ex-managers!) goodbye...Bacalhau com Natas (it was better than the first try a couple of weeks ago...) and Tarte de Coco. It was fun, but also very tiring...

*I had two days off and decided to get out of Amsterdam. I spent 5 hours of my second day off biking around the Hoge Veluwe Park...Some pictures in my other blog.

*A quote: I never stop being amazed at other people's stupidity. (Zac, I'm sorry for not being as eloquent as you..feel free to write it in your own words...)

*Except from my family i never really get any phone calls...so this week when a friend told me that she was going to call i was very happy...thanks!!!

*I guess i finally decided the date to return back to Portugal!!! No comments...Yet!!

"Leaning cafe"

2006-04-09T14:34:00.000+02:00

Those who live in Amsterdam, came to visit or have seen some pictures probably noticed that the houses here do not always look very....vertical!!

When i first came i noticed one of those houses - a cafe near the Waterlooplein...I call it the leaning cafe (i tend to give easy names to places...it is better than to memorise weird and complicated ones....). After a couple of failed attempts i finally managed to go there...

Here are some pictures taken from the inside...
Remember...the house is leaning...do not blame it on the pictures...

PS: Cecilia, these ones are for you...from Kurt and me ... :)

Seasons...

2006-04-08T17:08:00.000+02:00

You did not bring this spring, dear child,
you do not have to arrange for the summer to follow.

They come from the Father's will, and they will come.

John Eldredge,

The Journey of Desire

Cool things....

2006-04-03T20:27:00.000+02:00

*Friends :) - it is not so nice to say goodbye, though!!

*Chocolate - specially if someone else gives it to you when you're not expecting it :) Even better if it happens twice in one week!!

*Preparing for a dinner with friends to let them taste a bit of your own country...Go to a portuguese store with an english speaker to buy the ingredients (bacalhau..humm)... and buying them in portuguese... :)

*Being mentioned in someone else's blog...:) (I miss you, girl!)

*Getting a phone call from Ivan - an old cleaner...he worked here in the summer and called today - it was really cool to know that he sent a card (that never arrived, though) and that he would like to come back because he had a great time here at the Shelter last summer...
A promise to go out for coffee - the one we did not go for last year!!!

*Getting a message from a good friend after so long....and being told that she is getting married...finally - Parabens, Sara!!!

*Sitting down with Pauline, my roommate, to talk and pray just before going to bed...

Hanging out with....guys

2006-03-25T23:54:00.000+01:00

So today i went to the kitchen at the willemsstraat to eat something and there were about 10 people there - all guys! After trying to avoid them for a bit i decided to go back into the kitchen...and ended up spending most of the evening with a few of them...I have to admit it was fun!!!

There were a few things i did not expect to hear them talk about, though...
*baths (russian, turkish...) and foot care
*Favourite movies...Disney movies - some really wanted to watch Alladdin - i even got to hear one of the songs!!!
*girls...there was some counselling going on on how to deal with tough situations like she likes him...he doesn't...

oh, by the way... did you know that the japanese probably have a secret robot army???!! :-)

Escher...

2006-03-22T20:00:00.001+01:00

I was in Den Haag (Haia em Pt) yesterday and got to visit a really cool museum: Escher in Het Paleis.
I don't know how many of you know who M. C. Escher is but i bet you all know some of his work...

His pictures are quite impressing...not because they are an accurate image of the real world, nor because everyone else says he was a great painter...but because they recreate a nonexistent world of symmetry and illusion!!!

Here are some examples...

Drawing Hands - i really liked this one - it is as if it keeps writing and rewriting itself!!!

Ascending and Descending - the stairs are the same - but some always go up, and others always go down!!!!!

Much more pics in his website: www.mcescher.com

...

2006-03-12T22:03:00.000+01:00

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

...Just because i really like it and the lyrics spoke to me today....

things i did the last couple of days...

2006-03-10T17:11:00.000+01:00

Have you ever had weeks in a row when nothing new seems to happen? (well, there is always something new, even though it does not really seem new!!!)
A few things happened this week...

*Finished the Count of Monte Cristo...the book was quite long, but very interesting...I would still have liked to read the full version, but i guess I can only do that after an american friend of mine does...

*Had a hair cut...thanks Meghan, i really like it...other people seem to like it too - good job!

*Went out with 2 dutchies and an american for a real dutch experience - Haring - raw fish...it was really good...

Neils and I enjoying some nice raw fish!!!

Annemarie - she never had Haring before...she really did not want to try it...she ended up liking it too!!! (isnt' it cool to see someone being introduced to their own culture!) Abbie liked it - no picture of her though!!!!

*Had a late at night japanese meal made by a japanese woman...it was really tasty..i even made rice balls...really good meal!!!

*Just had to appologise to a brazilian guest because i was too tired to check him in in portuguese, so i had to do it in english!!!!!How embarassing!!!!

Through His Window

2006-03-07T15:27:00.000+01:00

I always thought he had to be an artist - a musician or a writer...

I noticed him for the first time in the summer, shortly after arriving in Amsterdam...I don't know exactly how, or when, or why he caught my attention...but he did...

I saw him yesterday...not sitting in his living room, as usual, though, but outside... he was walking slowly and we passed by each other...I wanted to say something to him...I thought of that last week too...But i didn't...I wont!!!

I guess i'll never know his story...In a way i do...at least the one i imagined...

It all started the day i looked through his window. He had led a full life - his music took him all over the world. But now it was time to stop! Time to rest.
He always liked Amsterdam - even though it was a crazy city, the water and the canals were quite peaceful, specially in that area.
. . .

Camera: 150 euros /// "People moments": priceless

2006-03-06T03:42:00.000+01:00

These past couple of weeks i decided to park my bike at the willemsstraat and walk!!!

As i was walking home tonight i was thinking how some moments cannot be captured (i'm sure my native english speaking frieds must be thinking how much fun it is to have non native speakers around...or maybe this time this actually can be said in english!!! Please let me know...)

Sometimes it feels that if we take pictures of moments that we are really enjoying later on those pictures in a camera are stronger than the ones in our mind...There is something about memories that no tape or picture can hold...Specially if those memories are of sit down & talk moments (and i have had quite a few in the past 9 months...)

The last thing one does after spending time talking to someone is "I really enjoyed talking to you...let's take a picture to remember this conversation..." :)

Before going to bed i decided to sit dow and write some of these people moments...Here are some examples...

*Going out with Laurissa one night for a walk and finding out that if you want "True Love" you have to come to Amsterdam... later on i thought a clock in a tower was the moon (or was it the other way round?!) ...
*Taking Tonya to the airport, the second time, with Cecilia and founding out, after a night of no sleep thanks to Maarten and Nicole( these 2 are also responsible for some good people moments) , that sitting in a chair can be quite fun!!!
*Finding out about the wobbly effect with Cecilia- never thought that putting a shelf together could be so much fun...
*Going with Melana to L'Abri - deep sharing by a fire place and sleeping under the stars!!
*Being in the kitchen at the Willemsstraat as Neal walks in and says Susana with a mixer in his hand...you should have seen the look in the other people's faces as both of us were laughing like crazy!!!
*Rushing to the roof with Nicole, Jason and Neal when we found out that it was snowing...I really like snow!!!
*Sitting one night with Cecilia in a couch that was on top of a table in the library at the house and having a very honest talk....the firts of many... :)

This list could go on and on...As i was writing it down (the original one has several pages...) i had to thank God for all the People Moments that i had since i got here...

New blog

2006-03-04T22:11:00.000+01:00

Well...it is not really a new blog...is just an extension from this blog...i will post some pictures there...it is both in english and portuguese if you want to learn a few words!!! :)

Ola gente...tenho um novo blog para colocar fotos....os comentarios tb estao em portugues, por isso nada de desculpas:)

susana-pics.blogspot.com

so...it's official / Esta decidido!

2006-02-27T21:09:00.000+01:00

After been thinking about it for quite a few months, praying about it more specifically these past few weeks and looking at it from different perspectives i decides to stay for two more months at the Shelter...so, instead of leaving by the end of May i will be staying till the end of July!!!!

I just talked to Hennie about it...So...it's official...5 more months to go!!!!

Five more months of...people!!!! Great people, crazy people, weird people, dodgy people, amazing people...friends, acquaintances, staff, managers, long term guests, short term guests, visitors, cleaners...random people in the streets...people!!!

About people...today i checked in a guest that is kind of deaf...right now he is yelling to the phone here at reception!!!!!

For my Portuguese friends:

Ora pois...nao sei se sabem (e espero que alguem leia isto em portugues...e se o fizerem, espero que facam algum comentario para saber se vale a pena escrever em portugues!!!!) mas o plano era ficar por Amsterdam ate ao final de Maio e depois regressar a Portugal...mas como um plano e algo que esta para acontecer e tambem algo que pode mudar...Pois e...e este mudou!!!! Depois de esta ideia ter decidido intalar-se na minha mente e de ter orado sobre o assunto resolvi ficar mais 2 meses....Por isso, minha gente...ate agosto!!!!! ( a menos que queiram aparecer para uma visita - sao bem vindos!!!)

the "wobbly effect"

2006-02-25T11:51:00.000+01:00

So yesterday was my day off...and what did i do?! Work!!!

Well..it was not work, work...It was a mix of hard work and fun work...Rosemary, one of our managers at the Shelters, is moving houses and Cecilia and i went to help out...After a few hours of "hard work" carrying boxes up and down the stairs of both the new and the old places we decided to stay for a bit longer and help with unpacking!!! And that was when the "fun work" begun...

After a break for a cup of coffee (or tea, or cookies, or whatever it was that time - yes, we were kind of spoiled with food...) Cecilia was looking for something to do....After some smaller things we were given a big book shelf to put together...The first part went quite fast...and i even managed to impress Cecilia - she did not expect me to handle the screwdriver and hammer that well!!
After finishing the first part there was a bigger challenge coming...We had to nail a cardboard to the back of the shelf!!!! So, what is so hard about it, you may ask...Well...we tried several times, but the size of the cardboard did not quite match the size of the shelf - there would be either too much or to little cardboard...Let me try to show it to you...

(i'm not very good with drawings - but i guess it is enough to get the point!!!)

After trying for a while we dicovered the "wobbly effect" - let me explain....the shelf was not quite stable and it would wobble a lot if we tried to move it...so it hit me...if we wobble it in the right direction the cardboard will match the shelf...and guess what - it worked...and what a nice shelf it is!!!!

PS: if this makes absolutelly no sense...oh well, just now that Cecilia and I really had a great time...and at least the 2 of us know what i'm talking about!!! And we will be laughing for quite some time about the "wobbly effect"...

RE: Re(2): Re(2): Re(2): Re(2): Re(2): Re(2): Re(2): Re(2): enquiries

2006-02-21T19:00:00.000+01:00

It all started on February 8 when the firts email came...It was an innocent email asking about the price for a night...I answered the email as usual, and also, as usual, i wrote "Let us know if you have any other question." Wrong move...

From that day on i get an email every 2 or 3 days with all sort of questions..."Can i cook there", "Where is the flower market?", "If i call late will someone be there?"...and i patiently answer all of them...

She sent another email today - she finally called to make a reservation...The next thing to do?... Leave a note on her reservation saying that i really want to know her when she comes...After all, i get more emails from her than from most of my friends!!!!

Murder at the City...

2006-02-15T19:12:00.000+01:00

Don't be alarmed...nothing happened...yet!!!

I was sitting at reception and a guest came and asked if we have a lot of murders here!!!! He was quite worried because there was some weird person in his room...(i'm glad he did not check the whole hostel, otherwise he would have left right away!!!! We kind of have a few "odd" people around!!)

But yeah, he was very concerned about safety, about his stuff and specially about "waking up alive" the next day!!! I told him not to worry...i guess he was not very convinced, though!!!! I would not be surprised if he checks out before his 4 days with us are over!!!

Hummm...ops!

2006-02-14T14:10:00.000+01:00

The other day i was checking in a group of 5 "spaniards" (2 guys and 3 girls)...
So i asked for their passports or id cards, as usual, and after a few seconds of looking at the cards i ask "there are only two guys coming, right? I have 3 id's for guys here..." Well, that's what i though, anyway!...they all kind of looked like guys, and the names...i could not tell whether they were guys or girls names...

Then one of the girls looks at me and says...yes, there are only 2 guys...that id card is mine...

ops!!!! awkward!!!!

Short people not welcomed!!!

2006-02-13T01:26:00.000+01:00

As you probably noticed (and if you haven't you probably will if you come to the Netherlands) people here are very tall!!! therefore, all is set for tall people!!

A few examples...

I have a permanent knee bruise...Reason: some keys at reception are far to high for me to reach...i always have to give my best by putting my knee on top of some drawers...Result...a very bruised knee during high season!!! :(

I went for a short visit to Portugal in December and i kept asking if i was taller...My guess: I got used to, for instance, tables being higher, so when i was in Portugal, since the tables were not so high, that made me feel taller!!!

In the beggining of January Dora and her friend Elia came to amsterdam for a visit...We went to visit a church...guess what the result was when we tried to sit down...

Side note: Not about height but age... Shelter City gets Nightboy due to lack of older male staff members (i could not resist...sorry!!!)

Day one - part 2

2006-02-12T01:43:00.000+01:00

So...i can really say i hate computers and the internet!!!!

As i was trying today to create my blog...i ended up creating a mess!!! For some reason my profile appears always when we start blogspot!!!! :(
(if you are one of the unfortunate user of blogspot at the willemsstraat or the shelters what you can do is copy http://www.blogger.com/logout.do to "address" and hit enter...sorry!!!!)

For a couple of hours this was kind of funny, though...because people could post in the blog!!!Just because i want to remeber my first blog (ok, ok...it was mine only for a couple of hours, and this one looks exactly the same!!) i will copy the first posts and comments as well!!!!

Day one

2006-02-12T01:27:00.000+01:00

Just a few minutes ago one of the guest made a remark about the invitation we have at reception to go to the Cleft (a church in the middle of the red light district). He was wondering why there were "underclothes" in the sign inviting people to go to church!!!! I cannot really blame him...i wonder why the person who made the invitation choose those pics!!!!

Well..i have to be honest....that remark was the reason why i decided to start this blog!!!! Sometimes things happen while sitting at reception, in the cafe or anywhere else that i just feel like telling someone because they were really fun (or not so funny, sometimes!!!).

So, feel free to share your random stories about people and situations...

Comments:
logggggg offffff! :-)otherwise, welcome to the blogger world-nice start!
cecilia

Help!!!

i guess i have an "open" blog now! since i cannot log out everyone at the willemsstraat can post on it....i do not like it :(

Comments:
this is so funny! - justmeghs

Illegal posts from a couple of staff members
(thank you though...it was fun while it lasted!!!)

Hey Susanna!!!Yeah, you have an open blog now. That means that everyone can post something in your blog. That's very funny. Hmmmm, what else to say. You're s great person. but we never really talked to each other because you're a city person. Sad, sad, sad. Well, it still can happen :) Be blessed.
Tina

our computers are possessedi don't wanna be susana anymore!but i still love you~meghan
cooool, I can mess around in Susanas Blog!!! whohooo, so much fun, let's all mess around. Susana, I like you and it would really be cool, if you would log out, so others get the chance to post on their own Blog!knuffel
Cecilia